Current

Days have been spent running around attending interviews in my spiffiest outfits, being perky and intelligent-sounding early in the morning, in rehearsals (picture above), finishing some writing and stitching small beanbags.

I am currently caught in a current. Or torrent. Or hailstorm. Decisions to be made in the next 2 weeks or so will draw out where I'll be and what I'll be doing for the next 12 months.

Slightly terrified, but eager to begin something new.

The other brother turns 22 today.
Happy birthday!

This is absolutely the best picture I have of you.



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Holy Ghost Hill

If my life were a supermarket aisle, it will not be the instant noodle section, or the canned soups. It would probably be the whole turkeys or lamb legs in the freezer. Or anything that takes hours and forever to prepare before you can sit down to eat.

I have learnt that I am always having to learn to wait. To wait in silence and nothingness for something to come. To sit and be still, to know that it will come even though you clearly cannot see it. Lesson plan in faith and trust.

Last weekend was spent at a retreat at the fringes of the jungle. The address on the map had said 'Holy Ghost Hill'. We drove down to Malacca town after lunch, relying on a little GPS gadget for cendol and pineapple tarts. We strolled along Jonker Street, ate and went home with rolls of expired black & white film we found in an empty, run down shop. We almost walked away after seeing the grilles shut, but Lilly was brave enough to poke her head about. It was strange; the shop only had a display case of meagre amounts of film and nothing else, except for a girl lying on a swivel chair.

We spent most of the evening playing mind-boggling board games.

15

It's my youngest brother's birthday tomorrow, and I've been scouting and combing through the web in search for cakes made with organic stuff. So far I've come across hemp cakes, sites on vegan philosophy, and vague leads. One place holds some promise - no soy substitutes or hemp in sight. Score: 1. It's a trip down to the city tomorrow.

Received my first reply today, after two months of silence on my phone's end. I didn't think it'd make me this happy, but I bounced all the way downstairs and did a little bop. I'll be a nervous wreck come next week, but right now I'll indulge in silly girl thoughts, like what to wear.

Bob the Builder and Obama

The weather today is great for sitting in and finishing up some writing. The windows are wide open; rain tapping on roof, Parisian jazz playing, the smell of dampness. An empty container that once held organic rice noodles and veg soaked in curry.

Will make more coffee in awhile.

Puppet Wisdom

"What do you do with a B.A. in English,
What is my life going to be?
Four years of college and plenty of knowledge,
Have earned me this useless degree.

I can't pay the bills yet,
'Cause I have no skills yet,
The world is a big scary place.

But somehow I can't shake,
The feeling I might make,
A difference,
To the human race.

Morning, Brian.

Hi, Kate Monster.

How's life?

Disappointing.

What's the matter?

The catering company laid me off."





Song from Avenue Q The Musical, from Sel. While I don't necessarily think it reflects what really is (I mean, there's always Starbucks. I hope.), it's close enough.

Re-

Release repeat relive resit revive replay reap reactionary revolutionary receive repost repast record recall rendezvous reclaim red redo relate remnant render reed reading refoldable revamp revisit reckless recede remake remark revolt revulsion reality rebut rebate recant readily remark repulsion reorder regarding reupholster relentless refashion repack refute regale reel rewind reconsider rebellious refine reheat remember repackage reposit relegate retain relevant reopen require resolute rely rent reparte reorder reek recondition repark repay report retch reminder rewire reformist regard reusable recycle remand regal reaper reinstall repair reference repot recce ream retina remarkable requisite reluctant retake resolve restoration reboot replace




I've been doing lists like these to put me to sleep. Only to end up with dreams about death, ugliness and loss.

Today morning was spent trimming the plants in the garden, just to keep the peace and also because it seemed less overwhelming than having to deal with the university again.

Again.

Finishing this is now about as certain as me marrying Jake Gyllenhaal. Or an equivalent of that. Somedays I think I can almost toss this over the fence and be a drop-out. Why bother being academically excellent and finishing well when you have to face rubbish like this.