Test Subject B

What would you give (that would reek of Malaysia, in a good way) as thank you gifts for when you hop through people's homes while in England?

The days are being ticked off and I am still underprepared for what is to come. Problems that plague my path to a scroll please disappear. Now.

A shopping excursion with military precision and a neverending list of things to purchase tomorrow: Rechargable batteries, sandwich bags, socks, sarongs, canned food, film, etc., etc.

The brother hasn't been well, and he has been in the hospital for almost a month. He has leukemia, and yes, he has already lost most of his hair. He makes a game out of it sometimes, sliding his hand on his scalp and towards an open palm, causing hair to fall over his eyes and land on his hand. He would find the activity amusing, then discards the contents of his hand onto the floor.

And come this Friday he would be the centre of attention at a medical conference where he would be an unnamed case study for a seminar on Down's Syndrome children with autistic traits who have been diagnosed with leukemia. Lengthy.

And with this I hope that it will give him a voice, and that some light can be shed.

Not Denmark

12 or 13 more days to go before England.

Thank you all who have graciously agreed to let me adopt several of your belongings. Am grateful, and more.

Am not on stable or comfortable ground, and what I thought was sure and well, are not. Something is rotten in the state of now-and I am content to just sit and watch and let things pass by.

So much to say but no ears are wanting to hear.

So I'll draw instead.

Of recent times I have found myself to be part of a strange group called the Happy Unicorn Collective. And we're pencilled to do something next Saturday night and the following Wednesday. I wonder.

Stills

My youngest brother, brushing his head with his palm and watching his hair fall like rain over his eyebrows, laughing brightly.

His hand waving grandly at me as I walked in through the door with his eagerly anticipated packets of strawberry juice in hand.

- I hope it was me he was waving at, not my gift of juice boxes.

A day like this is enough to erase five days of pain, worry, tears and brokenness.



She came in with a smile that suggested care, with a bag of chocolates and biscuits and fueled with the burden of losing a son years ago to the same disease - he was taken away on his second birthday.

It is all luck she said. It all depends on luck.

You must pray everyday, rely on the Almighty she said.

When she left I asked my mom why didn't she call the other lady over if she wanted someone to talk to. Her son is still alive, well and in remission.



About slightly more than two weeks before I find myself in some cold foreign country. Besides being all hurrah over having genuine fish and chips by the roadside, am suddenly overthrown by matters that need seeing to before I fly away - official letters to type, people I need to meet and plead with, household arrangements to work out (can't have the other younger brother die of an understocked fridge) and shoes (among plenty of other things) to purchase. I have a reputation for never finding shoes that fit, and England, though summer-y, does not embrace flip-flop philosophists like me.

But to all of you who took over two weeks of our lives recently, we cannot wait to see you again.

It is the hardest time to get up and leave, and my Chinese sensibilities (or not) is knitting within me guilt, the need for sacrifice and selflessness, the call of a daughter's duty. But life does not lie within my palms.

This is your dream she said. And He will take care of everything.

Trust in the one who is bigger than us. The one whose hands can do more and beyond that of our outstretched ones. He is precise, and He knows every strand of hair on our heads (and even the ones strewn all over my brother's hospital bed, floor, pyjamas and food) and He does not play dice.

Such simple words but they carry so much weight in times like these.

Things to Make, Places to Go

Hello England. We will be meeting soon.

It's barely 10am and I already feel like I've run through the course of the day. And I might have finally recouped all the lost hours of sleep of the past 2 weeks yesterday in a 12-hour nap marathon.

Oh yes. I feel alive already.

So many things came, unfolded itself and went. On a very unimportant note, I finally got my exam results yesterday and realised that this thing called education has taken it's toll- I got a distinction for a paper I cannot even remember taking an exam for.

I am forgetting. It takes alot to recall what happened in the past month. It's all condensed and in point-form. Haven't had time to sit and let matter sink.



p/s: There's the Gherkin in the postcard. Wahey.

Kotak Otak Kotak

Happening tomorrow.

Oh yeah.